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Showing posts from October, 2019

(Not My Kind Of) To Do List

Guess it's been zillion ages ago since the last time I put trust in someone. Breaking all the walls I made for such a long time. Uncovering each layer of me. My thought, my past, my dream, my feeling, my jokes, both the shitty and normal ones. Every time I got disappointed over someone, I always blame myself. My bad to trust this person too much. My bad to crave for good things happen. I don't deserve kindness. I don't deserve any kind of relationship. I don't deserve people. What I am -sometimes- being afraid is if one day I think that I don't deserve to stay alive. I have no idea about attention, care, love, and kind words. I am just such an amateur in terms of enjoying life. For me, having support system even just one single person is like a bullshit and surreal. Well, but shit happened and here I am keep hurting myself by either trusting the wrong people or simply being over-insecure. Maybe it's better to deal with all this miserable ci