the other side

          Selamat pagi. Jangan lupa bahagia! ^^ Setengah mengantuk kutekan tombol “tweet” di layar hp kemudian melempar telepon genggamku entah ke mana. Jam dinding berwarna kuning dengan motif telur mata sapi yang berada tepat di atas pintu masuk kamar menunjukkan pukul 8.00. Masih terlalu pagi untuk memulai hari , pikirku sambil berusaha meneruskan tidur yang terganggu. *** Cuaca yang terik membuatku merasa matahari bukan lagi bersinar, melainkan membakar kepalaku. Apalagi ketika harus berjalan kaki yang tentu saja bukan atas dasar kesehatan atau kesenangan menikmati sekitar, melainkan untuk menghemat ongkos yang sama dengan tarif satu jam pemakaian di warnet langganan. “Mas, paket biasa ya!” kataku pada operator warnet yang entah siapa namanya tapi berhubung sering ke sini sejak beberapa tahun lalu, mungkin tidak ada salahnya merasa kami sudah cukup akrab hingga ia sudah paham dengan apa yang kumaksud “biasa”. Ia menganggukkan kepalanya se...

"Hey there" "Hey" "How are you today?" "Umm.. Today? I'm good. Yeah, I guess so. At least, I'm trying." "Ahaha.. okay. So, how does it feel?" "What do you mean? To get older and broke(n-hearted)? LOL" "Any special wish?" "Let's be cliche and keep saying about "be happy" and shit." "But don't you think happiness is a myth?" "Since we're talking about wishes, so.. well.." "Any good things happened lately?" "Idk. Maybe." "What about the last promise you got this month?" "I broke it days ago. Can't help it. Ahaha. What a shame!" "Do you have any plans for the rest of the year?" "T o eat-write-trip more, to  survive every single day as a normal human being, to stay alive at the end of the day, to sleep simply as the way to have a rest not because ...

I miss people. I hate myself for every time I feel uneasy dealing with people. I prefer lock myself alone at home, do my work alone in the corner with earphone and radio on. I avoid eye contact, either I’m in a crowd or just passing by somewhere. I start thinking that I’m afraid of people for no reason. I don’t know what-to-say or what-to-do when people around. I would keep blabbering about this and that instead of having a dead-air and being awkward. I regret a lot about what-I-said or what-I-did after spending time with people. I think that wouldn’t be that hard to start mingle whenever good people surround me. I think so but it’s not. I want to live a normal life with at least one or two people closer and even more around. I realize that it would make this shitty life seems bearable. I just need some time. I miss people, it’s so true, but I miss myself more.

Let me have a month with no tears. Only this month. Please... Hang on, dear broken soul!

I was stuck in my night class when I got your text. I read it twice. I checked the date and time. Just want to make sure that it was REALLY you. "Are you still having a class?" I stared at my phone for a while before making a reply. "Yup" A short one that led to a long call in the next hour. Personality, friend of friend, assignment, Nicole Kidman. That was our first call. 📞 It was the night after an overtime work, when I bought myself a pair of shoes as a reward. I was too busy picking up the size and model when my phone rang. It was you. I froze for a second and answered it happily. Where-are-you, aren't-you-going-home-yet, friend's wedding, partner. That was our second call. 📞 📞 Been too long for keeping this feeling and I couldn't hold it anymore. That might be okay to make such a confession with no intention. I just thought that you had to know. At least, they were things that pop...

What makes one stay invisible in a social media? I'm trying to ask myself here. For me, social media is not a place where I am going to expand my network or build such a relationship by getting closer. Since the first time I signed up, I let myself become herself -sincere and alive, bitter and pathetic-. For me, what's the point of showing daily me online? Since all of them are strangers, it would be fair to let them know the same side of me through what I said and what I have in mind, not because who-I-am or what-I-do. For me, social media is such another world where I could never experienced in real life. I speak about this and that, blabber on nothing and everything. Distracting myself every time I overthink and my head about going exploded. I have no worry about those who read and I don't feel sorry for what they read. For me, what's the point of meeting up with online people? Let's say I have enough trust issue thanks to the life e...

Ini adalah kisah yang terjadi di sebuah negeri bernama Kupiland, tepatnya di desa terpencil yang biasa dikenal sebagai zKupillage dengan penduduk aslinya yang disebut zKupillacious. Sesuai dengan namanya, desa ini merupakan penghasil utama terbesar kacang hijau. Selain menjadi makanan utama para penduduknya yang berjumlah 306 orang, kacang hijau juga diekspor sampai ke luar negeri seperti Yellowland, Republic of Purple, bahkan Indonesia. Tidak hanya terkenal sebagai bubur yang dimasak sesuai resep asli zKupillacious, masyarakat luar juga gemar menjadikannya sebagai bahan dasar membuat es krim atau jajanan pasar seperti kue ku dan bakpia. *** Suatu ketika seorang anak laki-laki berkacamata bernama Isaac (biasa dipanggil Aizek), yang sedang duduk di atas tumpukan daun kering sambil diam-diam memakan nasi goreng yang dipesannya lewat layanan pesanan antar dan mendengarkan lagu berjudul sama dengan warna kesukaannya yaitu Kuning dari band Rumahsakit, melihat sebuah pohon tinggi...

I couldn't recall the first time I realized that something's been wrong with the way I live. Things seemed okay for about 20 years I have been part of this world. "Okay" sounds too much so let's say it is bearable enough. There were so-called friends and even crush. I had laugh over nothing and everything. Tried to do this and that, spent time here and there. At least, I did my work well. At least, I had people to talk to. At least, I could eat and sleep as it was supposed to be. At least, I lived. Never thought about living as a broken-hearted one. Never thought about promising self over and over to be less pathetic. Never thought about being alone is such a bliss yet suffocating. Never thought about life could be shitty enough to hit me hard. Well, look at me now. I'm tired. So much. Too tired, I have no words to say. People, work, life, even with myself. I cry. A lot. It...