Posts

Monologue

Mon, 2 Jul
09:07 Hey
09:10 It's me.
09:10 Again
Fri, 6 Jul
21:15 You promised me to talk about the scar in you right arm.
Wed, 11 Jul
19:51 I missed the bus. Shit!
19:52 Kinda miss you, dear traffic buddy!
Sun, 15 Jul
12:10 You know what, I promised myself not to cry this month. 
12:10 Yes, only this month
12:11 But damn it's almost unbearable
Thu, 19 Jul
08:58 Apa kabarnya?
Fri, 20 Jul
06:04 It's my birthday
06:04 Don't you want to say something?
Sat, 21 Jul
15:50 Lagi apa?
Sun, 22 Jul
08:15 I feel sorry for myself
08:15 A lot
Mon, 23 Jul
07:18 Pengin duduk lama di tempat biasa kita call
07:19 Cuma buat ngabisin waktu
Thu, 26 Jul
15:02 Hey
18:46 Halo
18:46 How's your work?
18:49 How's your mood?
18:49 Mine is fucked up
18:49 Always
18:50 Gua di tempat biasa ni.
18:50 Call?
Mon, 30 Jul
13:29 Hey
13:29 Hari ini gua marah2
Tue, 31 Jul
08:42 It's the last day of July
08:42 Should I continue blabbering here?
08:43 Would it still stay unread?
08:43 I need closure
08:43 I need some kind of goodbye
08:45 I&…

Kehidupan Netizen

Selamat pagi. Jangan lupa bahagia! ^^
Setengah mengantuk kutekan tombol “tweet” di layar hp kemudian melempar telepon genggamku entah ke mana. Jam dinding berwarna kuning dengan motif telur mata sapi yang berada tepat di atas pintu masuk kamar menunjukkan pukul 8.00. Masih terlalu pagi untuk memulai hari, pikirku sambil berusaha meneruskan tidur yang terganggu.
*** Cuaca yang terik membuatku merasa matahari bukan lagi bersinar, melainkan membakar kepalaku. Apalagi ketika harus berjalan kaki yang tentu saja bukan atas dasar kesehatan atau kesenangan menikmati sekitar, melainkan untuk menghemat ongkos yang sama dengan tarif satu jam pemakaian di warnet langganan.
“Mas, paket biasa ya!” kataku pada operator warnet yang entah siapa namanya tapi berhubung sering ke sini sejak beberapa tahun lalu, mungkin tidak ada salahnya merasa kami sudah cukup akrab hingga ia sudah paham dengan apa yang kumaksud “biasa”.
Ia menganggukkan kepalanya sekilas saat aku berjalan menuju bilik favoritku di b…

Self Talk

"Hey there" "Hey"

"How are you today?"
"Umm.. Today? I'm good. Yeah, I guess so. At least, I'm trying."

"Ahaha.. okay. So, how does it feel?"
"What do you mean? To get older and broke(n-hearted)? LOL"

"Any special wish?"
"Let's be cliche and keep saying about "be happy" and shit."

"But don't you think happiness is a myth?"
"Since we're talking about wishes, so.. well.."

"Any good things happened lately?"
"Idk. Maybe."

"What about the last promise you got this month?"
"I broke it days ago. Can't help it. Ahaha. What a shame!"

"Do you have any plans for the rest of the year?"
"To eat-write-trip more, to survive every single day as a normal human being, to stay alive at the end of the day, to sleep simply as the way to have a rest not because of too much cry, to be less awkward when I am around, to get close(r…

It's Not Them, It's Me

I miss people.
I hate myself for every time I feel uneasy dealing with people.
I prefer lock myself alone at home, do my work alone in the corner with earphone and radio on.
I avoid eye contact, either I’m in a crowd or just passing by somewhere.
I start thinking that I’m afraid of people for no reason.
I don’t know what-to-say or what-to-do when people around.
I would keep blabbering about this and that instead of having a dead-air and being awkward.
I regret a lot about what-I-said or what-I-did after spending time with people.
I think that wouldn’t be that hard to start mingle whenever good people surround me.
I think so but it’s not.
I want to live a normal life with at least one or two people closer and even more around.
I realize that it would make this shitty life seems bearable.
I just need some time.
I miss people, it’s so true, but I miss myself more.

A Wish

Let me have a month with no tears.
Only this month.
Please...
Hang on, dear broken soul!

The Call

I was stuck in my night class when I got your text. I read it twice. I checked the date and time. Just want to make sure that it was REALLY you.
"Are you still having a class?"
I stared at my phone for a while before making a reply.
"Yup"

A short one that led to a long call in the next hour.

Personality, friend of friend, assignment, Nicole Kidman.

That was our first call.


📞
It was the night after an overtime work, when I bought myself a pair of shoes as a reward. I was too busy picking up the size and model when my phone rang.
It was you.
I froze for a second and answered it happily.
Where-are-you, aren't-you-going-home-yet, friend's wedding, partner.
That was our second call.
📞📞
Been too long for keeping this feeling and I couldn't hold it anymore.
That might be okay to make such a confession with no intention.
I just thought that you had to know.
At least, they were things that popped up in my head when I finally sent you a text, asking for a call.
"Still have w…

Who Am I?

What makes one stay invisible in a social media?

I'm trying to ask myself here.


For me, social media is not a place where I am going to expand my network or build such a relationship by getting closer. Since the first time I signed up, I let myself become herself -sincere and alive, bitter and pathetic-.


For me, what's the point of showing daily me online? Since all of them are strangers, it would be fair to let them know the same side of me through what I said and what I have in mind, not because who-I-am or what-I-do.


For me, social media is such another world where I could never experienced in real life. I speak about this and that, blabber on nothing and everything. Distracting myself every time I overthink and my head about going exploded. I have no worry about those who read and I don't feel sorry for what they read.


For me, what's the point of meeting up with online people? Let's say I have enough trust issue thanks to the life experience, so what do you exp…